16 Personality Types

16 Personality Types

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

 

According to Carl G. Jung's theory of psychological types [Jung, 1971], people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:

  • Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I),

their preference of one of the two functions of perception:

  • Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N),

and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:

  • Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:

  • Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.

The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.

The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.

The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.

All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of corresponding combination of preferences:

The 16 personality types

ESTJ

ISTJ

ENTJ

INTJ

ESTP

ISTP

ENTP

INTP

ESFJ

ISFJ

ENFJ

INFJ

ESFP

ISFP

ENFP

INFP

The first letter in the personality type acronym corresponds to the first letter of the preference of general attitude - “E” for extraversion and “I” for introversion.

The second letter in the personality type acronym corresponds to the preference within the sensing-intuition dimension: “S” stands for sensing and “N” stands for intuition.

The third letter in the personality type acronym corresponds to preference within the thinking-feeling pair: “T” stands for thinking and “F” stands for feeling.

The forth letter in the personality type acronym corresponds a person’s preference within the judging-perceiving pair: “J” for judging and “P” for perception.

For example:

  • ISTJ stands for Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging
  • ENFP stands for Extraverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving

 

What is a CHAKRA anyways?

Some of you may be incredibly familiar with this image and others may be seeing it for the first time.  The chakra system comes from the yoga tradition however identical systems are represented from most spiritual traditions from all around the world. I’m going to give you a crash course in how the yogic chakra energy system works and how you can use this to your practical benefit in your own life.  This is not a religious practice and can stand completely alone and can be a great supplement to any particular belief system.

Considered “wheels”, you can think of the chakras as being 7 points of focus in the body.  They inhabit a physical region of the body yet hold a deeper, more metaphysical meaning.  When seemingly non-physical things are going on in your life, those things can still be attributed to the associated chakra in your body. At this time, it is said that the chakra is “out of balance.”  While it is, of course, important to work on correcting the external factors in your life, doing some intentional work to be aware and balance your corresponding internal chakra center will offer benefit as well.  Part of the way that this works is because we compartmentalize different emotions and experiences into different parts of our body.  For simple example; take the saying “I have a pit in my stomach about that.”  The “pit in the stomach” is a fear response.  It is in the lower chakras that we hold fear. This situation that was the stimulus actually had nothing to do with the organ of the stomach… and yet we feel it there.  As humans, we are part physical beings and part emotional/spiritual beings.  This makes/allows us to process our emotions through our physical bodies.  Depicted as a rainbow of colors, each chakra has specific colors, sounds and attributes connected to it. 

            In this next section, I will give some brief descriptions about each of the individual chakras and how they can be beneficially accessed.  Throughout my whole program I will be suggesting specific exercises, meditation, yoga poses etc. to help with the corresponding chakras that are being activated at those times in the program.  You may find that one or a few chakras (and corresponding areas of your life) need particular attention and extra work.

 

 

 

Root Chakra

 

The root chakra is centered in the base of the spine, the perineum and the legs.  If we think of ourselves as a tree, then we can think of this chakra as being our roots. They dig deep into the soil and keep us steady.  They draw in the food and moisture that we need to survive and, in their rootedness, they give us a place to feel “at home”. The root chakra represents having our basic needs met.  It is about feeling secure, safe and supported.  The root chakra is also associated with our more primal and instinctual aspects of ourselves.  It is that fight or flight response.  It is also our chakra that is most closely associated with our physical body as a whole. 

Imbalances in the root chakra can show up as anger and frustration, a feeling of not being in control. A person can have an overwhelming fear of change and, as a result, be overly controlling, selfish and even exhibit OCD tendencies.  On the other hand, a person can also feel spacy and not “grounded”. They can have really low energy and very little stamina. They can exhibit nervousness.  When things get out of wack with your living situation, your financial situation or your sense of trust, it is the root chakra that is being challenged.  Besides doing what is necessary to fix the actual problems at hand, doing grounding meditations and spending time sitting or laying on the ground and imagining yourself feeling supported and stable can be surprisingly helpful.  There are really helpful meditations and affirmations that can bring you back to this essential feeling of rootedness. Reminding yourself through affirmations that you are safe and supported and truly will have everything you need can help you rebalance and feel like you’ve got things under control.

 

 

 

2

Sacral Chakra

 

The sacral chakra resides in the area just above the pubic bone.  Often called the sex chakra, it definitely embodies our sexuality, pleasure and also our fertility. Additionally however, it is also the seat of our passion and our creativity (in it’s many different forms).  The sacral chakra is where deep emotions and a sense of connection come from.  Many people in today’s society have issues blocking their 2nd chakra.  We are told to not “loose control” and to have a handle on our emotions.  We are conditioned both that sexuality is “wrong” while, at the same time, have a culture where the taboo of sex is overly fetishized.  We are connected to the internet more than to real people thus the ability to connect and really raise that passion is strangely skewed.

            It is pretty clear that when someone is experiencing issues regarding sex and sexuality, it is related to this sacral chakra yet also when someone is in a creative slump or have a general feeling of boredom in their life, they are probably also experiences stagnation in this energy center as well.  Some other behaviors that are often attributed to sacral chakra imbalances include being shy and inhibited and lacking social skills.  Another common manifestation of a sacral imbalance is a general experience of being guilt-ridden or in contrast, manipulative.  Second chakra deficient people often have issues with addiction or with really intense cravings.  They tend to be skeptical and non-trusting and are often control freaks (You know the term “anal retentive”.)
When wanting to enliven this area it can be really valuable to dance or to move around the hip area (circles and figure-8s are especially good). (Don’t worry… you can do this alone or in the car).  There are certain yoga poses that are particularly helpful to waken up the sacral area.  Also playing with some kind of new creative endeavor can help fire things back up.  This could really be anything.  (painting, building, song writing, writing… anything that gets your creative “juices” flowing. The second chakra wants to be “filled” and it wants to “create”.  It is up to you fill it with nourishing projects/relationships/experiences and to channel its creative force into things that will be truly satisfying.

 

 

 

 

3

Solar Plexus Chakra

 

The solar plexus lives it that spot just below your ribs.  I like to picture it as the headlight on your car.  It is lighting the way for you and dictating the direction that you’re headed.  If you want your life to go a different direction, shift the focus of your solar plexus and it will guide you in a different direction. The solar plexus is the seat of your ego.  It is characterized by will-power, self-confidence and a sense of personal power.  The solar plexus is a great seat of self-respect and of harnessing the discipline to create whatever you want in your life. Physically, a healthy solar plexus is indicative of good digestion and hormone balance.

Imbalances associated with the solar plexus often appear to be low self-esteem or a lack of life direction.  They may be weak-willed indecisive or unreliable. On the other side they can often be intolerant, impatient, sarcastic, egotistical and have major issues with authority. When a person lacks self-confidence and doesn’t feel good about the direction that their life is headed they often physically curl their body in on themselves.  Their chest (literally or figuratively) collapses and their shoulders slump forward.  Their “light” appears dim and their affect often doesn’t have any power behind it. Have you ever seen that before?  Their out-of-balance solar plexus is written all over their body. Additionally they may have digestive or heartburn problems. In order to counteract this, try taking a deep breath in fill this solar plexus center, it actually expands your body and can fill you with a greater sense of pride and inner power.  When the solar plexus seems to be out of balance, it is a great time to formulate a plan, engage all of your determination and will power and commit to taking action.  There are several yoga poses and breaths that help to activate the solar plexus.  One my favorites is warrior 2 pose.  While It is not one that is physically felt in the abdomen region, it mentally and emotionally has the same intention as the solar plexus.  Another is a short breathing activity known as lion’s breath. On your hands and knees breath in deeply and fill the chest, put your head back and when you breath out, open your mouth and stick your tongue out making a roaring sound.  (I know this sounds ridiculous but truly it feels quite good and liberating).  Trust me, if you can “make” yourself do this with enthusiasm and focus, you can have faith that you can do anything!

 

 

 

           4

           Heart Chakra

 

The heart chakra is perhaps the best-known chakra because already in common culture we recognize the heart as being the seat of emotions and love.  It is from this heart center that we experience compassion, empathy, self-love, acceptance and a desire for altruism.  It is also from the heart chakra that we are able to understand the concept that there is a greater unifying force between all things.  It is widely recognized amongst cultures from all around the world that the most potent healing force is love.   Now when we think of love from just a simple western perspective, we often only see it as the love that is capable between two people.  (romantic, familial, friend) Love, however, (in my understanding) can be much broader than that. It is the connectivity between everything. It is the magnetism that draws to atoms together.  It is actually the whole fabric of reality. 

Heart chakra issues are representative of loneliness, jealousy, possessiveness, arrogance, judgementalness, difficulty with boundaries, feeling like a martyr and trying overly hard to please others.  Some really effective ways to strengthen heart chakra imbalances are to focus on being grateful.  It is a practice of seeing the positives and taking time to appreciate all the little things. The heart chakra focuses on the organ of the heart but also in the region of the lungs. For this reason, breath is a really beneficial way to strengthen the heart chakra.  It can be helpful to breathe deeply and focus on drawing that fresh breath into your heart feeling it full and soothed.  Additionally, the act of humming, vibrates the chest and nourishes the heart chakra on a primal level.  There’s a good reason why mothers instinctually hum to their infants.  It may come as no surprise that the scent of roses is actually a really powerful heart opener as is the compounds found in chocolate.  In fact, in central America shamans make a sugar and dairy-free very strong cacao “hot chocolate” beverage to hold heart-opening ceremonies.  

 

 

 

5

Throat Chakra

 

It may make sense to learn that the throat chakra is about self-expression, communication and speaking your truth.  It is how you communicate and present yourself in the world.  It is about standing up for what you believe in and being willing to clearly state your boundaries when necessary.  While the 2nd chakra is about one form of creativity, the throat chakra is another form of creativity.  (In fact, these two chakras often work closely together.)  It is the role of the throat chakra to take care of us and get our needs met through effective communication.  It is also how we express ourselves to the world.

When the throat chakra is not in balance we can see it through arrogance and a “know it all” attitude. Often they need to get the last word and will shout in order to be heard. They can be gossipy and also be poor listeners.  A person may be incredibly long-winded without offering much content to their words or be too inhibited to talk at all. “Cat got your tongue?” These people might also be whiners or have no inflection at all in their speech.  A person with a throat chakra deficiency may be lacking creativity and engagement and likely will have nothing to contribute towards group conversations.  Some exercises to reconnect with your throat chakra may include singing (Yes, you can do this in the shower), journaling or writing.  Posting things on social media, engaging in art projects that really represent who you are.  If you feel like you have frustrating stagnation in your throat chakra, it may be really helpful to yell and scream (not at anyone but just to let it out). You also may benefit from forcing yourself into having some essential but tough conversations that you’ve been putting off. Additionally, doing some simple neck rolls and making noise when your head is in the back position can really help to activate things.

 

 

 

 

 

6

Third-Eye Chakra

 

The third eye lives in the location in the center of the head, just above the eyebrows.  It is associated with the pineal gland which is a glad that is shaped like a pinecone and allows for higher, more transcendent cognitive functions. While the brain itself functions with the bulk of our thoughts and reasoning, it is the third-eye that houses the intuition, insight and inner knowing.  It is here that we are connected to the deeper meanings in life and are able to grasp a higher perspective and wisdom.  If your regular eyes see reality, your third eye sees through a spiritual lens. The third eye is also the place in us that governs out sense of justice and personal ethics.

When someone is out of touch (or out of balance) with their third eye, the may have difficulty concentrating and find themselves getting into destructive “mental loops”.  They may over analyze details and as a result get stuck in non-action.  These people tend to be very rigid in one way of thinking or conversely may change their mind often and recklessly. Often issues with the third-eye will show up by someone not understanding the effect of their actions or being able to see the big picture (or anyone else’s point of view).  This can lead to them repeating the same patterns and not learning from their mistakes.  Two of the most important things that you can do to help rebalance your third-eye are sleep and meditation.  Both give it a chance to come to a place of stillness and recharge.  In your meditation, bring your (closed) eyes upwards towards the center of the brow line.  Sometimes your thoughts will wander.  When this happens, don’t judge it, just refocus and come back to that sense of stillness and calm.  In addition, the pineal glad is prone to actual physical calcification.  This is especially triggered by sodium fluoride which is not only added to our toothpaste (fluoride) but is in our municipal water system.  This fluoride essentially forms a calcium shell around the pineal gland not allowing it to function.  Trying to steer clear of non-filtered water and fluoride toothpaste is a good start.  Also, eating green leafy and cruciferous vegetable and seaweed (and surprisingly coffee) are proven to help correct this problem. 

 

 

 

7

Crown Chakra

 

The crown chakra is the most ephemeral and perhaps the most difficult to understand.  Its location is actually a few inches above the head and, while it does not contact the actual physical body, it resides in the auric field and serves as the gateway to higher consciousness.  No matter what spiritual or religious path that you connect to, no matter what is your concept (or term) for a greater network of consciousness, the crown chakra is that connection.  It is the place “in” us that goes beyond our limited human experience, beyond the personal ego and unto the idea of selflessness and lack of differentiation.  This is commonly referred to a unity consciousness where an individual can understand that they are part of a larger system.  With this framework of connectivity, it brings about a deeper level of compassion and empathy.  The crown chakra also helps us to recognize patters and messages. 

When someone is in touch with their crown chakra they are considered to be open-minded, aware and wise.  When the crown chakra is blocked, a person can feel scattered and directionless.  They may have difficulty remembering things that seemed to be really important them.  Balancing and activating the crown chakra can be a life-long process. It is a process of quieting the mind enough to let the spirit sour.  The crown chakra is the culmination of all the other chakras and is most easily and effectively balanced when all of the others are in alignment.  Meditating is definitely one way to work towards an activated crown chakra.  Drumming is also really helpful.  When engrossing yourself in a hypnotic rhythmic pattern, you can shed your earthly thoughts and lose yourself in the ethers.  There are certain essential oils that can help to open your crown chakra such as frankincence and helichrysum.  Either inhale the aroma from these or put a dab (diluted in a carrier oil) on the top of the head to open up the connection to higher consciousness.  .

 

 

 

That terrifying EGO

The other day a client of mine said to me that he was “terrified” that he would grow old alone. 

 

“I’m just not any good at meeting people or talking to women and now I’m an old man and I have grey hair and I don’t have a perfect body and no one would even want me.”



After doing a little digging, I discovered he had a very real FEAR around not being good enough.



Here was that old “friend:… the EGO, which is always trying to protect you using fear.



It’s that nasty bully who whispers rude and unsupportive things in your ear and tries to get you to believe it.  The ego thinks it is protecting you from getting hurt by others by sabotaging you first.  It’s like the animal caught in the trap who’s chewing off his own leg because he doesn’t know what other options he has.

 

But what if the EGO knew of another option?

 

What if this guy could find his sense of self satisfaction and daily personal joy?  What if he decided to love himself and celebrate his strengths and wins and not focus solely on the flaws? Then the ego might not be trying so hard to defend itself (from unknown assailants) and may actually be helpful in striking up conversation to the single ladies…

 

 

The ability to overcome FEAR and do something DIFFERENT.

If you want different results, you gotta do something different.

Imagine what your life would look like if you were not afraid to fail?


Xoxoxo,
Ambra Lionstone

Lionstone Re-Vision Coaching
__________________________
Founder, Love Your Life and Skyrocket Your Confidence Mastermind

 

P.S.  If you’re ready to make the shifts to deciding to live a happy and fulfilled life and want my help to get you there, let’s get on the phone.  Book your free Discovery Session now.  help@lionstonecoaching.com



P.S.S. Still not a part of our Love Your Life! group on Facebook? What are you waiting for? Join our PRIVATE group now.   http://bit.ly/2mgPVSe

 

 

 

Add a Little Spice to your Life

Top 10 Tips to Add a Little Spice to your Life

So your life is just passing by and you just don’t have much exciting going on…. 

No, things are not a disaster… but they’re just not that great either.  Feeling like when you meet people these days you don’t even have anything super interesting to talk about….

Something’s gotta shift.  What are you gonna do about it?

 

 

Here’s the rundown:

Don’t wait for the FUN to come find you.  Put yourself out there and find something that interests you.

 

Show up!  You can’t just think about making changes but expect them to take effect when you haven’t acted on them.  You have t find that momentum and initiate.

 

Take yourself out on a fun and decadent DATE.  (By going places alone, you’re way more likely to meet people and strike up conversation with others).

 

Get dressed UP just for the hell of it.  Wearing your drab clothes isn’t making you feel any spunkier but maybe your fineries will.

 

Believe in yourself and know that you are totally WORTH being around.

 

Feel the FEAR and do it anyways.  Sure, sometimes you might feel scared or awkward.  Just push through it.  You’ll thank yourself from the other side.

 

Exercise your CREATIVITY and imagination.  Be it artistically, linguistically or playing make-believe, dedicating time t be in that creative place feeds the spirit in a very particular way.

 

Dive into a new HOBBY or area of interest.  This will engage you on many levels as well as give you something new to teach other about.

 

MOVE your body.  Even if you’re not in great shape, getting active movement and vigorous activity benefits the body and calms the nerves.

 

Adopt a pet.   That pure unconditional LOVE can do miracles for your emotional well-being.

 

Invest in LEARNING new things.  Knowledge something that you own forever.

 

Be your own best SUPPORT.  If you’re gonna talk to yourself (as well all do) say nice and supportive things.  If you can’t, then who else will?

 

Set goals and make plans to achieve them.  You can start with tiny daily GOALS to gain momentum and then work up to your major life changing goals.

 

If you think people are JUDGING you, you’re probably wrong.  You’re probably just judging yourself.

 

 

 



Go make magic happen! YOU GOT THIS!

Xoxoxo,
Ambra Lionstone

Lionstone Re-Vision Coaching
__________________________
Founder, Love Your Life and Skyrocket Your Confidence Mastermind




P.S. Are you READY to stop letting excuses and FEAR take you out of rocking your life this year? Let’s get on the phone and talk things through, book a call at help@lionstonecoaching.com



P.S.S: Still not a part of our Love Your Life group on Facebook? What are you waiting for? Join our PRIVATE group now.   http://bit.ly/2mgPVSe

 

 

What to say on a first date...

FIRST DATES FOR SHY PEOPLE

A first date can be absolutely grueling.  It’s hard enough deciding what you’re going to wear.  Then you get face to face and you have to remain calm and figure out what to talk about to this person you know nothing about.  You want to let them know a bit about you without totally spilling your whole life story and you also want to get to know a bit about them... You're shy though and it seems that in these situations you've been a deer in the headlights.  You need a toolkit to help you get over the hump of some of that nervousness.

Below are some basic questions to get the ball rolling.  Some of these are rather mundane but they could spark up other conversation that can get things in the flow… and of course, any question you ask… be prepared to answer the same about yourself for them...

And remember… these questions are just guidelines… I wouldn’t suggest actually printing them out and insisting on addressing every one of them.  Just use them for ideas and see where it goes from there.

 

DATING QUESTIONS

Stage 1: The first 10 minutes

These first questions are just starters.  Yes, they’re a bit boring and dry but they’re a place to start and give you a little small talk while you’re waiting for the server to take your order. 

1.     What do you do for work, and how long have you been doing it?

2.     Where are you originally from?

3.     Do you like living in the mountains?  Near the beach? Etc?

4.     What did you study in school?

5.     What part of town do you live in?  Do you live alone?  Do you live with anyone?

 

Stage 2: After the first drink arrives

This next phase should help you get to know them a bit more.  Your questions are curious, inquisitive and playful. These should give you an idea of what are some of their likes and dislikes and what kinds of things you have in common in your spare time.    The way that they answer can start to give you a clue about their personality.

6.     What do you do like to do for fun? When you’re not working…

7.     What type of music are you into?

8.     Do you like going to concerts? 

9.     Are you someone who likes to go out or do you prefer to stay in on the weekends?

10.   Have you traveled anywhere cool lately/do you have any trips coming up?

11.  What’s the most interesting trip you’ve ever taken?

12.  When’s your birthday?

 

Stage 3: Things are starting to get comfortable…

At this point, things are going pretty well and the conversation is flowing pretty well.  You seem to get along and you’re excited to learn some deeper things about them.  Some of these questions may open conversations that you or your date don’t feel ready to dive into and others will bring up some funny stories.  Enjoy the way this loosens you both up and have fun really getting to know eachother.   

13.   What’s your favorite nationality of food to eat?

14.  If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

15.  Do you like to cook?

16.   Do you have any nicknames?

17.  Do you have any siblings?

18.  What are your family relationships like?

19.   What’s your biggest pet peeve?

20.  If you could have any super-power, what would it be?

21.  What’s on your bucket list?

22.  Are you a morning person or a night person?

23.  Do you like your job? What do you want to do next?

24.   Do you consider yourself career-driven?

25.  Do you consider yourself to be a responsible, planning person or a spontaneous, free-spirit?

26.  Are you an introvert or extrovert?

27.   What’s your social life like? Do you have a big group of friends?

28.  What are you most passionate about?

 

 

 

Stage 4: Will there be a Second Date? 

Time to seal the deal—Do you two want to hang out with them again?  Is there any potential here?  If you enjoyed yourself, let them know. These last few minutes are the moments to set the stage for if/when you’ll hang out again.  If you like them, think about being a bit more proactive then “I’ll text you sometime…” 

29.  Can I split the check with you? Okay, can I at least leave the tip?

30.  Do you have any fun plans for the rest of the week.

31.  Do you have a busy week coming up?

 

 

 

Stage 5: Continue on later into the night

This part should only be used if you really feel good vibes with the person.  Otherwise you’re missing your opportunity to make a clean getaway… but… if you really want some more time with them tonight (and this is not just for a booty call) it’s totally appropriate to suggest a next phase.  

32.  There’s this cool bar I know around here, want to go grab a drink?

33.   Want to get coffee/dessert after this somewhere else?

34.   My friend’s actually having a party a few blocks away, do you wanna stop by?

35.   What are we doing after this?

 

15 Ways Boost your Self-Esteem

15 Ways Boost your Self-Esteem

 

1.      Know thy self

              The more you truly know yourself deeply, the more you can rationally see your positive and (not so positive) aspects.  From this place of real self understanding, you can take pride in the fact that you are do (at least the first steps of) your personal self-improvement work.  Start listening to your thoughts and jotting things down in your journal.  What are they negative ones actually saying?  Are these things actually true or just your skewed perspective?  Ask yourself why you have these negative thoughts about yourself.  What are your fears? What is it that you’re protecting?  Think about your perceived limitations.  Are these actually real limitations or are they just things that you decided to believe along the way?  Now consider all the things that actually make you wonderful?  What are you good at?  What special talents do you have?  What parts of your physical self do you really like? I bet you can come up with far more real positives about yourself than you can about your actual negative attributes. 

2.      Kill negative thoughts

              When negative thoughts creep into your mind….stop them in their tracks!  Whether you want to try the rubber band on the wrist trick or say something outloud, try to interrupt that thought pattern.  Then, once the cycle has been interrupted, replace that statement in your mind with its positive counterpart. 

3.      Say nice things to yourself

                Whenever you get the chance (either outloud or silently) shower yourself with sweetness and compliments. This might seem out of your comfort zone but you’ll get used to it.  When you are in your car, flip down the mirror, look in your own eyes and say, “You’re looking good today.”  When you do something that goes well (no matter how small) take a moment and tell yourself, “Nice job.  You’re pretty good at that.” Come up with the perfect loving mantra to let play on repeat in the back of your mind.  For example, “I love myself and I respect myself.” It’s up to you to come up with your own that will feel particularly meaningful to you.  And just repeat.  Say them when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed… and most importantly anytime negative thoughts come up, replace them with these instead.  At first it might feel odd to be saying these nice things to yourself all the time but, trust me, keep saying them and your brain will start to believe them.  We can totally rewrite the programs in our brains with repetition.  Whatever thought you reinforce and repeat, will be the one that is believed and accepted.  It’s totally up to you to fill yourself with positive ones.

 4.      Primp a little

             Yes, when it really comes down to it, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. But…. Giving some attention and care to your outer appearance will only make you feel better.  I don’t know anyone who ever looked in the mirror after some loving self-grooming and primping and said I hate when I look nice.  Even if you are the only one to know the difference, you’ll go out into the world just feeling more confident and ready to face the people.

5.      Play dress-up

            There’s something to be said for simplicity and non-materialism but if you’re feeling dumpy and particularly down on yourself, a fun sexy/dapper outfit could really shake you out of that funk.  If it’s a casual event that you’re going to, you don’t need o take it too far and make yourself feel out of place but playing with clothes can be a really empowering way to express yourself creatively.  If you don’t feel like you have much money to spare to drop on new duds, the thrift store or just one great accessory could totally mean the difference between “drab” and “fab!”

6.      Upgrade your self-image

              So now that you’ve done some much needed extra hygiene maintenance and have some new style to rock, check yourself out in the mirror again and admire what you see.  This is a moment to be proud and fall in love with yourself.  (Don’t worry, no one else is watching.)   There is a big difference between pride and self-love and arrogance and superiority.  Theirs is nothing at all that is “sinful” about being proud of yourself and approving of what you see.

7.      Make a list and Get shit done

              Sometimes the low self-esteem comes, not from our physical appearance, but from how we view our success and effectiveness in the world.  Getting proactive and getting organized can be incredibly empowering.  You might have this mental nagging on repeat in your mind about all the things that you would like to accomplish in your day/week/month/year/lifetime.  It’s running in an endless loop making sure you don’t forget any piece of it.  that list is pretty long and seems completely overwhelming.  At this point, you end up feeling inadequate because you don’t seem to be making any progress and your mind just keep s being stressed about the mental running list.  So… get out your pen and paper and write it down!  Our going to start and action plan.  Maybe even divide the list by small tasks that can be done in a day, bigger projects and then more longer term goals. This is a great time to prioritize the things that really matter and will support your overall well-being and peace-of-mind. First of all this will free up your mind from the endless loop of trying to remember all that stuff.  Next you can start accomplishing (and crossing off the list) all those little, one-day things.  These small accomplishments alone can start building some pride and offering some relief. As you take on the bigger projects, try to confront them with a sense of greater awareness and how you are really adding benefit to your life (and perhaps the lives of others) in doing them.  Let each activity add to your sense of accomplishment and self-care. 

8.      Clear out the clutter

       This one can definitely be an expansion on the last one.  Clearing out the clutter of your mind… that long to-do list, the procrastinated conversations and (yes that too) clearing out the clutter of your physical space.  While some people don’t seem to “mind” it, living in complete chaos is not good for anyone’s mental health.  It causes undue stress, often poor hygiene and a lack of control.  If you’re someone who suffers from low self-confidence, it couldn’t hurt to stock up on as many pride points as possible.  By having your home/car/office in a state that reflects harmony and portrays a person who you are proud to show to the world, you can gain a sense of well-being and inner calm.  For some people, the thought of having anyone else see how they keep their living space can bring them to a paranoid panic

9.      Gratititude

          As crappy as things may feel in your life, there’s always something to be grateful for.  The world is full of blessings and it’s up to us to choose to focus on them rather than getting completely marred down in the negatives.  For instance, you are feeling overweight and lonely.  You want a relationship and more friends.  You have a job but you don’t like it very much and aren’t making as much money as your skills and education are worth.  At this point, things are feeling rather bleak.  You can choose to wallow in that sorrow or take stock in your life and choose to be grateful for the positives.  It’s springtime and the flowers are blooming, you have a really close relationship with your sister, you have enough money to go o the grocery store and buy what you need, you finally like the apartment you’re living in and you have a cat that absolutely adores you.  Sure, there are some definite, real things that you would like to change in your life but can recognize that you do have some very tangible and positive things going on too.  Being in a place of gratitude tells the universe that you are an appreciative person.  The universe will reward you with more blessings to be grateful for. And when those blessings come your way… you’re gonna notice and be grateful (because that’s just the kind of person that you are).  Being grateful is a moment to remind you of all the positive things in your life. Additionally, it helps put things in perspective and can remind you about what is truly fundamentally important. Even at times when life seems to be crashing down around you, it is a time to be grateful.  Through these times of major challenges come beautiful life lessons making you a stronger person.  If you had only one prayer in your life, that prayer could be “Thank you.”  And again… “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

10.  Pay it forward

           Sometimes when we feel the worst about ourselves, the best medicine we can do is to get out of our own heads (and out of our own way) and do something nice for someone else.  Paying it forward can remind you of the blessings in your life and what you have to be grateful for.  It can give you the opportunity to share some of that goodness with others who need it to.  In the process of this sharing (or helping) you can get a chance to just focus on something outside of yourself for a while.  And after the fact, don’t you just feel good knowing that you choose to live with a generous spirit?

11.  Get active

          This activity can be interpreted in two different ways.  One way is to get active out in the community.  To take action steps towards changing things in your life.  The complacency of sitting on that couch is not creating your positive changes in your life.  Getting fired up and passionate about life will though.  That’s not to say that some much-needed r&r isn’t beneficial too but it should be enjoyed when it’s really deserved and not just out of boredom and lethargy.  In yoga, they say that the 5 minute savasana (meditative rest) is the most important part of the whole practice…. But that is only true after having just engaged in the whole hour of physical and breathing practice… This leads me into the other side of getting active and that is about making physical activity and exercise a priority.  Even if you aren’t wanting to trim down or bulk up, exercise releases brain chemicals (endorphins) that specifically produce feelings of happiness and reduce feelings of pain.  And the fact that you can feel proud of yourself for doing the exercise in the first place is a great place to start on your quest for confidence and joy.  

12.  Smile

             The old idiom “fake it till you make it” really does work.  Smiling releases “happiness” hormone and will actually improve your mood from the inside out.  Not to mention, when you smile (or even just hold that internal contented partial smile) others around you are drawn to the warm positivity the you are radiating.  So here your are in this positive feedback loop. You smile and others smiles back at you and then you feel better and want to smile even more.  Sounds pretty simple, right?

13.  Stand tall

           This might sound coming funny from me because, when ”standing tall”, I still only reach 5ft but having good posture and can change both your internal perception of yourself and the message that you’re giving to those around you.  Without going to unnatural/uncomfortable extremes, try standing with your back straight, your shoulders back (a little) and your head up.  Seeing someone who’s head is bowed and back all hunched of screams of self-loathing.  Show yourself and show the world that you are proud to be you, glad to be there and are ready to engage. 

14.  Baby steps

              Through all of these changes and self-growth, please be patient with yourself.  Every tiny baby step is an important piece of your way to self-acceptance and confidence.  Things are not going to just change overnight.  It may take a few weeks or maybe a few months to see any major shifts in consciousness but every positive change you make is a helpful piece getting you a little closer to your personal happiness and contentment.  Remember to celebrate all the little accomplishments. For example, yesterday you may have had negative self-talk and today, when it creeped up, you put your foot down and replaced it with a positive one.  Another example… you are about 50 pounds overweight and your personal body image is really struggling.  Maybe you haven’t actually lost any weight yet but you DID go to the gym and for dinner you chose to have the grilled chicken and vegetables instead of the burger and fries.  Now that’s a big step in the right direction.  Give yourself a pat on the back and allow yourself to feel proud of your progress and dedication.  You are on your way!

15.  Know your stuff

       So often our self-esteem issues actually stem from a general feeling of incompetence and unsuredness.  While you’re not going to fabricate a doctorate overnight, doing a bit of research can go a long way to helping you feel more competent to converse about certain topics.  Almost anything you want to know, you can find on the internet these days. You want to be more knowledgeable and worldly?  Just commit a little bit of time to expanding your knowledge base by doing some simple research and you can feel like a whole different person. You might know that you’re going to a dinner party at a friend’s and you know the guest attending will likely be talking a lot about some particular shared interest that you know nothing about.  Rather than beating yourself up at the dinner table, staying quiet so you don’t embarrass yourself and feeling like an outcast, do yourself a favor and devote 20 minutes to reading an article or two to give yourself at least a tiny bit of basic knowledge about the subject.  You’ll end up feeling so much more confident participating in the conversation.  Also having your own areas of interest that you are quite knowledgeable about can give you a safety zone of conversations to start on dates and such.  This can give you an area where you are truly knowledgeable, competent and confident. 

 

1st blog of an era...

 

 

Hey there,

I'm Ambra Lionstone.  After realizing that I have been "coaching" my friends and the people around me for most of my life, I realized it was finally time to take the plunge and step into it as my real business.  We all go through times of stagnancy, frustration, loneliness and self-doubt. Wouldn't it be great to have a supportive "friend" to check in with, share your deepest blocks and fears with and have a supportive cheerleader to help you figure out your best tactics to achieve the life you want and who will lovingly hold you accountable along the way?  Sometimes those big changes in our lives can feel really overwhelming and it can help tremendously to know that you have someone (especially not someone who's involved in your life and your daily dramas)  to help you along the way.

I'd love to be that person for you...

 

Ambra